Many of us act in certain ways and adopt certain attitudes due to the experiences we had or witnessed as a child. These events or situations were so traumatic that they still affect us even in adulthood.
It influences our behaviors, attitudes, self-esteem, our relationships, our work and just how we relate with others in general.
It is so common that a Nigerian publication revealed that 58% of Nigerian youths had experienced traumatic experience in their childhood.
Yet, many of us don’t even realize how much our behaviors and struggles like anxiety, trust issues, people-pleasing traits, etc., are as a result of the trauma we experienced in childhood.
So, in this blog post, I shall talk about childhood trauma, how it shows up even when you are older and most importantly, the steps you can take to begin healing from it.
Meaning of Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma is a painful, violent, fearful or negative event or experience you went through as a child. It could also be an experience you saw or witnessed from others when you were a child.
It doesn’t matter if it was a one-time event or it happened more than once.
What matters was that it was so impactful that it causes you to act or behave in certain ways or have certain emotions even when you are older.
For example, if your parents were often angry or distant to you when you were young, you might have learned to act extra nice or do things to keep them happy, even if it meant ignoring your own needs. As a result, you can end up being a people-pleaser as an adult trying to keep everyone happy.
Examples of Events or Experiences that Could Cause Childhood Trauma
- Sexual Abuse- When a child is abused sexually, it can become a traumatic experience that can affect them later in life.
- Domestic Violence: When a child continuously sees his/her parents fighting and arguing, it can affect his view of relationships in the future.
- Loss of Loved One: If you lost a loved one e.g parent, sibling, etc., as a child, it can traumatize you.
- Bullying: If you were made fun of, hit, or ignored by your classmates at school every day, it can affect your self-esteem even when you become an adult
- Physical Abuse: If you were constantly getting beaten as a child, it can affect you even when you’re older and you might see physical pain as a sign of love in relationships.
- Emotional Abuse- if you were emotionally abused e.g always being compared to others as a kid, it can make you develop a low self-esteem that extends even till adulthood.
Other examples are parental neglect or abandonment, separation trauma or divorce, car accidents, etc.
Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adults
As mentioned earlier, childhood trauma can be so impactful that it can still affect you even in adulthood. Here are some effects of childhood trauma in adults:
- Trust issues: If you were constantly being abandoned or betrayed as a child, you might find it hard to open up to others later in life. For example, someone who had an absentee father or a father who kept leaving may find it hard to trust others.
- Anger issues: Trauma can make you feel constantly angry or irritated. For example, if you were constantly beaten or yelled at as a child, you might find yourself yelling or beating others when you become an adult.
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): This is when your past memories keep coming back and triggers certain emotions in you like fear, panic, etc. For instance, if you saw your parents fighting constantly as a child, you might feel scared or panic when you see or hear a couple having an argument.
- Relationship issues: Maintaining a healthy relationship is not very easy if you experienced a traumatic event as a child as regards relationships. For example, if you grew up with parents with a toxic relationship, you may find yourself avoiding romantic relationships or even pushing people away.
- Low self-esteem, self-image or self-doubt: If you were constantly bullied as a child for your body size or looks, it may affect the way you see yourself even when you are older.
- Attachment issues: As an adult, you may find yourself either being too clingy or distant especially when you are in a relationship maybe because you were neglected as a child.
Other effects of childhood trauma on adults are eating disorders, drug abuse and alcoholism, social anxiety, depression, etc.
How to Heal from Your Childhood Trauma
Now that you know just how much your childhood trauma can affect you, here are some steps to help you heal from it.
- Acknowledge Your Experience and Forgive: Childhood trauma is a painful experience and many of us bottle up our feelings and don’t talk about it. Some decide to forget. Others do things to take their mind off it.
But the truth is you can’t move forward until you acknowledge how that experience affected you. You need to really feel those suppressed emotions like anger, pain and grief. It is after you acknowledge them that you will be able to take the next step on your journey of healing.
So, take time to examine some of your behaviors and how it connects to what you experienced as a child and then take steps to change each one.
- Talk to a Therapist or Mental Health Professional: One of the best way to heal from the negative effects of your childhood trauma is to go for therapy. In therapy, you will be able to find the root cause of your emotions and behaviors. You will also learn how to process your experience as a child and how much it has affected you.
Therapy will also help you identify your triggers and learn some coping techniques to help you handle the effects of the trauma and change your thoughts about it.
Our therapists are experienced in popular therapy procedures for healing from childhood trauma like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy etc. Click here to book your first therapy session.
- Journaling: This is a very good way to process your childhood trauma and the effects it had on you. Writing down your feelings and experiences will help you let go and make changes. It will also help you identify your triggers and help you heal. You can learn more about the benefits of journaling here.
- Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness will help you become more aware of your present feelings and emotion and how your past is affecting you. While meditation will help you calm your mind, feel less anxious, and really feel those emotions you have been suppressing as a child.
- Spend Time with The Right People: if you grew up in a toxic family or environment, it may affect the way you see relationships whether platonic or romantic. So, you need to start spending time around people who treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
Changing your environment will also show you what heathy relationships look like so you can learn from it.
- Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Things would not change immediately. It is a step by step process. You don’t have to worry about ‘getting over it’ quickly. So, be patient with yourself and acknowledge how far you have come.
Does Childhood Trauma Ever Go Away?
With therapy and the right intervention like those mentioned above, it can but it will take time. Through therapy, meditation, mindfulness, etc., you will become more aware and be able to identify your triggers and be on the way to recovery.
Conclusion
No matter what you experienced as a kid, it is never too late to get help and start living the happier and mentally healthy life you should be living. Remember, the trauma wasn’t your fault, but healing is your responsibility
To get started, book a therapy session with us today and our qualified therapists will help you unpack your childhood trauma and help you move past it.