Having a strong self-esteem is very important if you want to achieve your goals and live a happy life. It affects the way you view things around you. It affects the way you think of yourself and others. It determines the type of actions you take. It impacts your personal life and your professional life.
In this blog post, I shall discuss some of the factors that can affect your self-esteem and practical ways you can develop a healthy self-esteem.
Definition of Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem can be explained as how much you like and value yourself or think of yourself positively. According to BetterUp, it is the degree to which we evaluate ourselves positively.
It is your level of belief in yourself and your abilities. It genuinely comes from the inside i.e from your mind. Self-esteem is not arrogance or pride. A person could be rich and still have a low self-esteem. A person could talk confidently and still have a low self-esteem.
When you constantly think negatively about yourself, your appearance, etc., then you have a poor self-esteem.
Some signs that you may have a low/poor self-esteem are:
- Constant need to please others.
- Feeling inferior to other people.
- Putting other people’s needs ahead of yours.
- Constantly thinking negatively about yourself.
5 Factors that can Influence Your Self-Esteem
No one is born with a low self-esteem at birth. It is a result of circumstances and situations that you start experiencing from birth.
Here are 5 factors that influence/ affect your self-esteem:
- Childhood Trauma and Experiences: If you suffered as a child either from your parents or a relative, that suffering grows with you and affects how you think about yourself.
For example, if you lived in a home where you were constantly abused either physically or mentally, it continues to affects you even when you grow older. It can make you think poorly of yourself and when similar situations happen, you start feeling like you deserve it.
That negative view of yourself follows you to adulthood. It can affect the way you think about yourself or the way you think other people think of you.
- Constant Negativity: If you constantly think negatively about yourself then your self-esteem will always be poor. This usually starts as a child.
For example, let’s say you failed a test in school, you might start thinking you’re stupid and just criticizing yourself. This can go on even until you get older such that anytime you fail at something, you start criticizing yourself. All these can influence your self-esteem.
- Social Comparisons: If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, it will affect your self-esteem. This is one of the most dangerous effects of social media.
For example, you see someone younger than you or of your age looking a certain way, doing something or buying something that you don’t have. Then you start feeling useless and comparing yourself to them. This will influence your self-esteem and you will continue to bring yourself down because of what others are doing.
- Past Failures: If you have failed at things in the past, it can affect your self-esteem greatly and not in a positive way. You start doubting your abilities and yourself. This can make you develop a low self-esteem.
- Failed Relationships: If you have had a bad relationship in the past, it can affect the way you think of yourself. Maybe the other party said something negative before the relationship ended. You might start unconsciously believing those negative thoughts and that can affect your self-esteem.
5 Ways a Poor/Low Self-esteem Can Affect Your Life
Having a poor or low self-esteem is more than just how you think about yourself. It can have negative effects on your life such as:
- It affects how you care for yourself: When you have a low self-esteem, you see yourself as unimportant and treat yourself casually. You don’t care for your appearance or how you look because you already don’t feel good about yourself. You also put other people’s needs above your needs
When you have a positive self-esteem, you make decisions that benefits yourself.
- It affects your romantic relationships: Having a poor self-esteem can have a negative impact on romantic relationships. Since you think negatively about yourself, you attract people who think negatively of you and treat you horribly. On the other hand, when you meet people who actually treat you well, you feel unused to it and think you don’t deserve it.
- It makes you timid and unassertive: if you have a poor self-esteem, you will find it difficult to stand up for yourself. Even when people treat you badly, you will accept it since you think you don’t deserve more. The worst thing is that when people will take advantage of you, you will find it very difficult to say no even when it makes you uncomfortable.
- It can lead to anxiety and depression: Having a poor self-esteem means you are always comparing yourself to others and looking down on yourself.
You will feel unhappy and unsatisfied with your life. You will become anxious about things beyond your control and when it does work out, you become even more depressed.
- It makes you stay in your comfort zone: Having a low self-esteem means you do not believe in your abilities. You have no confidence in yourself. And without this you can’t achieve your goals. It also hinders you from taking action. You end up living a life you yourself are not happy with.
12 Practical Tips to help you Boost Your Self-esteem
- Accept and forgive yourself: The first step towards improving your self-esteem is to be honest with yourself. You need to accept yourself the way you are. Comparison is a thief of joy. If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never be happy with yourself.
You also need to forgive yourself. It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past. Be compassionate to yourself and forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself over it. Let go and move on.
- Learn to love yourself: This doesn’t happen overnight. You have to take time to learn about yourself and find out your strengths. You have to intentionally find positive things about yourself. The more you do this, the more your self- esteem improves.
Start by setting aside time today and writing all the good things you can think about yourself. It could be your character, your appearance, etc.
- Intentionally challenge negative thoughts: Everyone has negative thoughts but when you allow it to continue, it affects your mind and your self-esteem.
To improve your self- esteem, you must learn how to repel negative thoughts when they come. For example, if you fail at something and you start thinking you are worthless, stupid, etc., stop it immediately and start saying positive affirmations to yourself.
Every morning you wake up, confess positive things. Do not allow negative thoughts find a place in your mind.
To help you do this, you could get affirmation cards that you can read anytime either at home and at work. This will help you build your self-esteem.
- Stop comparing yourself to others: Nothing good comes from always comparing yourself to other people. It just makes you feel more down and unworthy. Instead, think of the positive things in your life. Focus on your life and your own success.
To help you stop comparing yourself to others, you can choose to limit your social media use or only follow people that inspire and motivate you.
- Hang out with people who think positively: If you are always with friends who always think negative, you might need to reduce your contact with them. If you don’t, their negative energy will rub off on you and you will start become negative.
- Learn to speak up for yourself: Sometimes the reason many of us don’t speak up whenever we feel uncomfortable is because we have this belief that our opinions do not matter. That is what a poor self-esteem does to you.
So, you need to speak up. Stop trying to please people at your own expense. If you’re not comfortable with something, let people know you’re not comfortable.
- Develop a habit of gratitude: Low self-esteem is the result of constantly thinking negatively about yourself. It involves constantly dwelling on your mistakes and failures. But this is wrong.
You need to learn to be grateful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Focus on those good things and see how your life will change.
- Exercise regularly: Exercising is not just good for your body; It is also good for your mind. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals which makes you feel good. Also, as you hit your exercise goals, you become more confident and the way you think of your body/appearance improves.
- Be mindful of what you listen to: For some of us, the reason we have a low self-esteem is because of what we have heard other people say about us.
For example, if you were constantly criticized as a child, you would most likely have a low self-esteem. You mind may start adopting those beliefs and you actually start seeing yourself in the light of those negative criticisms.
This is why you need to be careful of what and who you listen to. If you have a friend/partner who constantly belittles you, speak up about it.
- Celebrate your little wins and successes: One thing about having a low self-esteem is that when good things happen, you start underrating them or you start comparing it others.
This is not good at all. You have to learn how to celebrate the little things no matter what your mind tells you.
- Talk to your therapist: If you find that you have a low self-esteem, you should consider seeing a therapist. They will help you find the reasons why you have a low-esteem and even work with you to improve it.
For example, if the reason is a result of an experience you had as a child, they will help you to unpack it and find closure from it.
Book an appointment with our experienced therapists here.
- Set goals and achieve them: If you see yourself as someone who is incapable, you need to challenge yourself. Start by setting small goals and achieving them. The more you do this, the more your confidence grows and your self-esteem improves.
It doesn’t have to be anything big. It could be as simple as just hitting your gym goals or reading a particular number of books.
Conclusion
To achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams in 2025, you need to improve your self-esteem. You need to be conscious about how you think of yourself and your abilities. A strong self-esteem will significantly change the way you think and the way you do things.
To boost your self-esteem and start 2025 on a positive note, book an appointment with our experienced therapists today.