Going through a breakup or ‘breakfast’ as known to Nigerians can be a very painful experience that can affect you physically, mentally and psychologically. Heartbreak is one of the many factors that can affect your mental health and cause you to think and act in unusual ways.
Earlier this month, a story went viral about a Nigerian girl who poisoned her ex-boyfriend and also caused the deaths of his friends.
This unfortunate incident is a reflection of recent developments that has become common in Nigeria and around the world. A study also revealed that 1 in 5 deaths by suicide were caused by romantic breakups, separations , etc.
Many people do not know how to process their hurt feelings after a breakup which can lead to anxiety, depression and even having suicidal thoughts.
In this article, our focus shall be on how to start the process of healing after a breakup and manage your mental health.
Effects of Breakups on Your Mental Health
Withdrawal and Isolation-
After a breakup, many of us isolate ourselves from our friends and families. This isolation causes us to feel lonely and sad. It can also make us act in irrational ways like stalking, breaking their belongings, etc.
Lifestyle Changes-
A breakup can seriously affect the lifestyle of an individual. Your sleep habits change. Your eating habits change. Even your behavior can change.
For example, after a breakup, a person can become overweight from overeating or underweight for eating less. You might even find it difficult to sleep.
Mood Swings-
Heartbreak can cause you to experience mood changes like anger, confusion to sadness, resentment, jealousy, etc.
Depression-
This is a major effect of heartbreak. Suffering from a breakup affects your mood and emotions. It can also make you feel down and start thinking depressive thoughts.
According to a study, people who are going through breakups exhibit more symptoms of depression compared to people who are in a relationship.
Alcohol and Drug Abuse-
This is very common for men. Unlike women who are more open to expressing their feelings, men do not easily do it. Therefore, to numb their hurt feelings, they can resort to drinking, smoking and drug abuse.
Increase of Negative/Harmful Thoughts-
After a heartbreak, your thoughts can get more negative and your mind enters into a cycle of self-blame and pity.
You might even start having negative/harmful thoughts about the other party which could get dangerous if it is not checked properly.
Low Self Confidence and Self-Esteem-
Suffering from a breakup affects your self-esteem and confidence levels. Your understanding and belief about yourself changes and your confidence level drops. You might even start to believe you are unworthy and hopeless.
ALSO READ: 10 Self-Care Practices to Help You Relax and Unwind
5 Ways to Heal After a Breakup and Take Care of Your Mental Health
- Express your feelings: This is a very important thing to help you heal after a breakup. In Nigeria, people joke a lot about heartbreaks. You hear things like ‘we go chop breakfast’, ‘it’s not a big deal’, ‘move one’, etc.
Although heartbreak is something that seriously affects our mental health, we tend to joke about it and not take it seriously. This causes people to suppress their hurt emotions which is not good in the long run.
So, to really heal after a breakup, do not be afraid to express your feelings. You need to feel all the emotions that come with a breakup including grief, anger, confusion, loneliness, sadness, resentment, etc., to really move on.
Choosing to deny or bottle these emotions will affect you both physically and mentally. Allow yourself to feel.
Here are 4 ways to do this:
- Talk about it.
- Do not fight your feelings.
- Acknowledge your pain and hurt.
- Cry about it if you want to. Do not be ashamed.
- Keep your distance both physically and online: Unfortunately, social media is not a kind place to be when you are going through a heartbreak. Apart from the fact that it can cause you start stalking or tracking the other party, it can also make you more depressed.
For example, seeing pictures and videos of other people in love can affect you and trigger you to do something drastic.
You should also distance yourself from the other party for a while. While you might end up being friends later, it can’t be immediately. Keeping your distance at this point will be much better for your mental health than trying to maintain a close friendship.
- Acceptance: Accept that things change and don’t always work out. One thing about breakups is that you remember only the good memories and ignore the bad ones. You start to question and wonder if the outcome could have been different. But if you guys were good together, it wouldn’t have ended in the first place.
So, you must accept that you two were not the best fit. Failing to do this might cause you to start doubting yourself, losing self -confidence and feeling depressed.
But once you are able to accept it, you will find closure. Remember you don’t have to this alone. Our therapists are always here to listen and guide through the process
- Practice Self-Care: There is no better time to be intentional about your self-care than after a breakup. It is the time for you to focus on yourself and listen to your body and mind.
Heartbreak affect our self-esteem, self-confidence, body image, etc. We start doubting ourselves and our worth.
This is why you have to focus on yourself during these period. Participate in self-care activities like:
- Meditation and Mindfulness,
- Exercising regularly.
- Therapy,
- Listening to music, podcasts and audiobooks, etc.
Do things that makes you happy. However, be careful not to fall into self-sabotaging habits. An example of such habits is using drugs and alcohol to numb your pain, constantly eating junk food, etc.
- Ask for help: Contrary to what many of us think, breaking off a relationship is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. At the same time, feeling sad or unhappy about the end of a relationship is not a bad emotion.
So, if you feel that you can’t cope or you are finding it difficult to cope, ask for help. Talk to your close friends. Talk to family member. See a therapist. Do not be ashamed to say you are not okay.
- Start a Journaling habit: Journaling can be a major way to handle the aftermath of a breakup and take care of your mental health.
The process of writing or typing your feelings can be therapeutic. You get to process your emotions, hurt feelings and gain the closure you need to move on. It also reduces the stress, anxiety and depression the breakup might have caused.
So, get a journal or a journal app and start writing.
- Counter negative thoughts and beliefs with positive affirmations and statements: Going through heartbreak can leave you feeling rejected and negative about your life. You might start to blame yourself and question your values and beliefs.
During this period, you need to constantly remind yourself to think positive and good thoughts. Do not allow negative thoughts and beliefs due to the breakup to overwhelm you.
To do this, you can get affirmation cards and make a habit of reading them regularly. You could also listen to positive and empowering music. Do not dwell in the cycle of self-pity and negativity forever.
- Reach out to your friends and family members: As mentioned above, one major effect of breakups is self- isolation. However, this is not a good coping mechanism.
So, no matter how tempted you may be to just withdraw from your friends and family, do not do so. Connect with them and let them be your support group.
Talking to others about it and receiving moral and verbal support can be very helpful in your journey of healing.
Conclusion
Heartbreak is not the end of the world although it can often seem like it. To kick start your healing process after a breakup, take time for yourself to process your hurt feelings and find acceptance.
By following the points mentioned above, you will be able to heal and protect your mental health at the same time.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to us. Our therapists are always ready to provide thoughtful and confidential care to help you. To kick start your healing process, book a session with us today.